7 Don’ts You Must Always Do to Build Confidence, Self-Esteem, and Success

If you want unwavering confidence, even in the face of obstacles, then you’ll definitely want to check out the 7 don’ts Kim Gravel recommends you do. 

As you strive for personal growth and bigger goals, you’re going to encounter obstacles and setbacks. But those are surmountable—especially when you use the tools Kim shares here. 

Don’t neglect your soul. 

The soul is the foundation and crux of everything; it’s the spiritual part of who we are. That’s why feeding the soul is so important: it’s the healing water from which everything else flows. 

So how do you avoid neglecting your soul? 

Kim explained that she makes it a point to spend time with her thoughts each day. She sits in silence, prays, or reads scriptures or devotions. 

She gets as quiet as possible so she can hear and listen to God.  

You also feed your soul by doing those things you enjoy: walking in nature, getting a facial, watching a great movie, chilling out, going on a date night with your significant other or a night out with your friends. 

Don’t believe everything you think about yourself.

This goes beyond avoiding negative thoughts. We’re all good at cutting ourselves down, right? You’re your own biggest hater. 

You can probably relate to thoughts like:

• I’m fat 

• I’m too old 

• I’m a terrible parent 

• I’m not smart enough 

• I’m not pretty enough 

• I’m not thin enough

• I’m not rich enough 

• What other people think about me must be awful 

• There’s no way I can accomplish this goal.

• I’m unlovable

Most of the time, the majority of us are cutting ourselves down verbally and internally, and believing lies to the point that we’re paralyzed. 

Don’t believe it! Don’t believe everything you think about yourself. 

A quick note, here: Kim isn’t saying you shouldn’t live in Delusion Land. We all make mistakes, and we should own that. None of us are perfect. 

Kim is referring to self-loathing: hateful lies we tell ourselves.

If you catch yourself telling such a lie, stop yourself right there and remind yourself it isn’t true. 

Don’t believe everything others think about you. 

If you don’t master number two above, you won’t master number three. You’ll automatically believe and be offended and be hurt by what others say about you. When you believe the lies you tell yourself about you, the negative opinions or stories of others just verify and validate your lies and compound your feelings. 

What other people say about you tells you more about them than it does about yourself. When someone’s cutting you down and standing in your way—that’s on them. 

You won’t believe the outside haters if you don’t hate on yourself, first. 

Don’t take yourself too seriously. 

Just be authentically you. 

Of course, we should take certain elements seriously: parenting, our work, our relationships, our health. 

But when you can own your actions and laugh at yourself, and live in the moment authentically, you’ll be happier and less stressed.

We’re all human and we all make mistakes. When you do, lean into the moment and embrace it—while being yourself.

Don’t allow momentary desires to distract you from who you’re becoming. 

When we first create a big goal (whether it’s a tangible goal like starting a business or an internal goal like self-improvement), we operate on all burners, right? We have all the energy and we’re getting momentum and we’re accomplishing things.

And then something comes along to distract us. 

Maybe it’s a shiny new business deal that’s just the tiniest bit questionable. Maybe it’s a different opportunity that would set you off-track but sounds like so much fun. 

You’re becoming what you’re called to be. Sometimes when a momentary desire pops up, it does so only to get you off your chosen path.

Stay on your path! Watch those momentary desires and distractions go by, and stay true to who you’re becoming. 

Don’t accept less from yourself or from others. 

Right now, society tells us we don’t have to work hard, show up, or take the time it takes to reach our goals. Very few people have the sticktoitiveness to get there. 

But you do.

If you’re accepting less than one hundred percent from yourself or from others, stop right now.

If you are not giving one hundred percent to your life, your dreams, and your goals every day, start doing so, immediately. 

Accepting less from ourselves and from others can become a habit of laziness … it gets easier and easier each time. 

Expect more from yourself and from others because you’re worth it. You and the others in your life will rise to the occasion! 

Don’t wait for the perfect conditions to live your life. 

This is probably the most important one.

If you’ve ever thought, I’ll do that thing as soon as … 

• I lose 10 pounds …

• I save enough money …

• The interest rates go down …

• The New Year starts … 

• My kids graduate high school … 

Whether it’s cutting down your hours to start a business, taking that vacation, writing a book, taking care of yourself, celebrating an achievement, or whatever, we often have the tendency to wait until conditions are perfect to start aiming for new heights.

If this is you, stop it right now! Quit waiting.

You’ll never be the perfect age or weight. You’ll never have the perfect amount of money or time. You’ll never be exactly as healthy as you think you should be.

There may never be a perfect time—but there is a right time.

Live your life.

Take one step at a time. Do one thing at a time. Move forward with your life, even when it means sacrificing. 

In conclusion …

These things are game changers—life changers! 

Kim explained that she’s messed up, she doesn’t have it all together, and she still has accomplishments she plans to achieve.

She’s lived enough life to share these lessons she’s learned during the rough times.

If you ain’t dead, she said, you ain’t done. So get about it. 

The Kim Gravel Show is a top women’s lifestyle podcast where Kim shares her message of confidence and encouragement with a side of laughter and fun. The show features inspiring, topical conversations with thought leaders, CEOs, and celebrities tailored to give listeners the insight they need to help them discover their purpose, find their confidence, and love who they are. On each episode Kim tackles the topics that women care about in a way that will make you laugh, make you think, and help you see your life in a new, more positive way.

The Kim Gravel Show is a celebration of the stories that shape us. It's about laughing together and not taking ourselves too seriously. It's about the wisdom we've gathered and the hardships we've overcome. It's about looking at the woman you see in the mirror and remembering that she is beautiful inside and out. This is a show about remembering that no matter what you’ve been through you can love who you are right now.